Copywriting: The Power of YOU
At least it’s building a story about quality — but I still don’t see myself wearing this sweater.
Now let’s see what L.L. Bean does with this same basic product:
L.L. Bean’s premium cashmere sweater is now available in a lighter weight you can wear in every season. Made of the softest two-ply cashmere, in a loose knit that’s ideal for warmer weather. Designed to take you from spring right through to fall; also nice to have on hand for cool evening breezes or chilly air conditioning. Roll-edge detail at neck, cuffs and hem.
Says It’s ‘Premium’
We’re much closer, simply because not only has this copy told me it’s premium, but it’s also told me the sweater will take me from spring through fall. I see myself wearing this a lot.
Lands’ End writes:
Add this single-layer Cashmere Tee sweater to your wardrobe because it’s unmistakably feminine, beautifully made and will never go out of style.
Lands’ End uses a call to action in the same phrase where it refers to me — that makes it strong, too.
Being a copy snob, I never expect discount Web sites to have good copy, so SmartBargains took me by surprise with a nice bit of writing:
Lightweight cashmere caresses your skin and flatters your shape. This crewneck sweater is slightly sheer, allowing a hint of the layers beneath to peek through. The effect is stylish, chic, and a little sexy.
I like the idea of something caressing my skin instead of just sitting there. And it’s pretty hard to resist if you’re hoping to have a sweater that flatters during a time of year when warm layers hide all that hard work you’ve put in at the gym! Some brief but fine salesmanship here.
Many writers and clients don’t believe “you” is appropriate in B-to-B catalogs, but I totally disagree: They’re missing out on the power of “you,” too!