Their headline: K60 Ultimate Outdoor Cooking Machine
Their spin: This is the epitome of outdoor grills.
In the Sporty’s copy, the point size is tiny and the lead copy is italicized, making for difficult reading. To make matters worse, the copy is in a dark screened (colored) box, making the type even tougher on the eyes.
It also is too short. “If I were going to pay $4,000 for a grill, I’d want more than a half-inch of copy,” notes Ryan.
Moreover, the copy placement could have been improved somewhat; notably, the lead paragraph should have received more prominence.
Says Ryan, “The copy is inaccessible, and even as a seasoned writer, I completely bypassed the lead copy. I just went straight to the headline for the grill and bypassed the lead copy, which actually had the most important selling point, which was the 10-year warranty.”
Also ineffective: Sporty’s doesn’t show food on this particular grill, making it less inviting. Colorful food items help people really envision their own barbecues.
Amanda Feingold is the former assistant editor of Catalog Success magazine.